A Split Second
by crowenfan
Summary: A split second can change your life. It can be the difference. The difference. Life or death. A split second can decide the rest of your life. A split second changes everything.
1. A split second

A Split Second.

Nothing belongs to me sadly, it all belongs to the awesome Shonda Rhimes.

Chapter 1- crash and burn.

Cristina's POV

_A split second can change your life. It can be the difference. The difference between being late or early, that top or that one. Life or death. A split second can decide the rest of your life. A split second._

"It's raining men, halleluiah! It's raining me-"I cut off the song that plays from my alarm clock by throwing it across the room.

I laid my head back down on my soft pillow and sighed. Somehow I knew that today would not be a good day. I felt it in my gut like someone was twisting a knife into my stomach. I could hear Jo and Alex down stairs laughing and kissing. Sometimes it was hard being alone, but I chose this, so I had to suck it up. Because I was getting a Harper Avery award and then after that there would be many more awards so I was doing pretty great. But then why couldn't I get out of bed?

I was being stupid. I swung my legs out of bed and got dressed.

Jo and Alex were in a lip lock when I entered the kitchen.

"Come on, lovebirds, we gotta go." I said stealing Alex's toast out of his hand. He tried to grab the toast away from me, but I pulled it back and stuffed the rest of it in my mouth. "Slow poke." I said my words muffled by half chewed toast.

"Gross." He said, grumpily. He hated it when I stole his food. Which is exactly why I did it. He was just too easy to annoy.

We all drove to the hospital together with the lovebirds staring meaningfully into each other's eyes. Gross. They were so gross. But I was happy that Alex had finally found somebody who wasn't going to A. go crazy. B. get cancer. C. leave. Or D. steal his job in Africa. Because they've all happened.

That sick feeling in my stomach was still there and it was making me uneasy. Maybe it was the flu?

I dressed in my navy blue scrubs and rounded. Ross was on my service. It was same old, same old. We rounded and then I went to the nurse's desk to sign charts. About 53 charts later, my phone rang.

Great who could this be. The number was unfamiliar. My day was already crappy, now I would have some a-hole all up in my grill trying to get me to buy some useless junk.

I answered the call, "hello. This is dr. Cristina Yang speaking." I said professionally.

"Hello, this is Dr. Harper Avery." I think my jaw dropped, I was like a fish out of water. It was THE Harper Avery. Okay act cool.

"Dr. Avery. What a pleasant surprise. How can I help you?" he could probably hear the awe in my voice.

"Well, I've been hearing about your trial, and I wanted to know if you would want to transfer down here to Boston. We've got better facilities, incredibly talented staff, you could have your own office and lab. Anything you want. I can give you." Just as I was about to scream yes. Owen and Meredith walked past the nurse's office and waved. I couldn't leave them.

They were my soul mates.

"Um. Dr. Avery can I please have some time to think about this?"

"Of course. I understand that it is a lot to consider. But these types of opportunities doesn't come along very often, sometimes hardly ever, so think carefully."

"I know." And with a brief good bye I hanged up.

What was I going to do?

Later that day, I decided to make a list of pros and cons.

PROS-

Lab

Office

Harper Avery

My own staff

Getting out of Seattle

Escaping from Seattle Grace Mercy Death

CONS-

Meredith

Owen

Zola, Sofia and Bailey

My friends.

The life that I've built

Even the list didn't make things clearer, it just made them harder.

I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do.

Why did everything, just when it's going good, crash and burn?

It was Tuesday. I got the call on Monday. I couldn't keep thinking anymore.

Tails I go.

Heads I stay.

I throw the coin up in the air and watch it flip. Before it hit my palm, I knew what I was going to decide. I was going.

It was tails.

Now I had to tell my best friend. My person. That I was leaving. For good.

Then I would tell the love of my life. My husband. That I was leaving.

These two people were my soul mates. How could I tell them that?

"Excuse me, where's Dr. Grey?" I asked the nurse that was seated behind the computer.

"She just finished a surgery in OR 3." Her voice was like a robots.

I nodded and threw a quick thanks over my shoulder. I ran there in a hurry to catch her.

I saw her entering the scrub room and decided I would just tell her there. Plain and simple.

I always hated goodbyes anyway.

"Oh, hey!" she smiled at me as I entered the scrub room.

"Hey, Mer." I said, my voice wasn't chipper like hers, she immediately knew that I was about to say something that wasn't good news.

"What is it?" she said quietly, it was like she knew it was coming. But she didn't know.

"Harper Avery offered me a job. I'm taking it. It's in Boston. I leave this afternoon." I had already decided that I didn't want to stay long enough to get hit by a bus.

I saw her look away and in the glass reflection, I saw a tear slide down her cheek. She turned back around and wiped away her tears.

"Is this goodbye?" her voice cracked and my eyes filled with tears. I tried to blink them away but still, a lone tear rolled down my cheek and splashed onto the floor.

"Yeah." I nodded, she walked over and slapped me right in the face.

"That's for only telling me now." Then she grabbed my shoulders and brought me into her tiny body and hugged me, squeezing tightly. "That's because I'm going to miss you."

"For such a tiny person, you sure do have a lot of strength." She chuckled lightly and we both let our tears flow. I felt a sob rise up in me and tried to squish it, but it didn't work because a sob tore its way out of my throat.

For hours or minutes I don't know, we just stayed locked tightly in a bone crushing hug. Not saying or doing anything.

I would miss her so much.

"Skype me?" she nodded and we pulled away.

I left the room and wiped away my tears so nobody would see.

I had to find Owen. I looked everywhere. He wasn't anywhere. No one knew where he was, it was like he had disappeared.

Then it hit me. The vent.

Turns out my instincts were right. He was on the vent. I slowly entered the room and stood against the door, leaning against it for support.

"I'm leaving." There I said it. Now I wouldn't say it again.

"Where?" his voice was emotionless and his face held a bored expression, but his eyes. Those ice blue eyes that I loved. Held pain and hurt, and I was the only one who could see it.

"Boston."

"When?"

"This afternoon."

"Why?" his voice cracked halfway through the little word and he turned away from me.

"It's for my trial." I said softly. I had always put my career before everything. Before him. Before his dreams. Before our marriage.

"Don't go." now I could see and hear the hurt in his face and voice.

"I'm so sorry." I apologised. As if that would make a difference, I ruined his life.

"Stay for me." He gripped my face between his big, scarred hands that I once called hams. These hands held my heart and soul.

"I'm going." I said it firmly against the tears that had somehow without my permission, slipped down my cheeks and onto neck, dripping down my collarbone and disappearing into my scrub top. Then surprisingly and without warning, he pressed his firm and hard lips against mine I opened my mouth and welcomed his tongue in.

We kissed until his pager went off and he leaned his forehead against mine, he kissed my nose and breathed out the word "stay." Then left.

What was I going to do?

He just made everything that much more complicated.

I had my suitcases all packed and in my car. I was ready.

I walked back inside and looked around Alex's house, Mer's old house. This place held a lot of good memories and an equal amount of bad ones.

There was all the times me and Mer had dance parties.

I got kicked out by Owen and found refuge here.

I convinced Mer to get out of bed the day she held a bomb in her hands.

I tried to get Izzie off the bathroom floor, not that I was much help.

I spent thanksgiving here and watched Burke and Izzie share cooking tips.

Owen thought that Jo was me and grabbed her boobs.

Alex entered the house and hugged me. Mer must have told him.

"Call me." He said in a girly voice. He was always a jerk when he was hurting, it's how he showed that he cared.

"I'll miss you too, sweaty." I said in the same girly voice.

"Be safe." He said seriously. I nodded against his shoulder and pulled away. I grabbed my last suitcase and left.

I got into my car and waved good bye to Alex, who was like a brother.

I was nearly out of Seattle. I was turning around some bend in the road and heard my phone ring. It was a text.

'We'll miss you.' It said. It was from Derek. There was a photo attached.

Everyone was in it. Arizona and Callie, my former roommates. Sofia, Zola and Bailey Jr., my godchildren. Bailey and Richard, my mentors. Shane, my protégé. April and Jackson, the only people I liked from Mercy West and who I thought of as friends, not that I would ever tell them that. Derek and Meredith, my friends, Mere, my person and Derek, who helped me when I gave up. Alex, who I used to hate but now he was one of my closest friends and till an hour ago my roommate. The only missing person was Owen.

I smiled. I sent a quick text saying I loved them and would miss them too.

Very un-Cristina like.

Suddenly there was a honk and then I was spinning and flipping and getting thrown into the side of my door. I couldn't make sense of anything. Just my own heartbeat.

Then I screamed. I was dangling upside down and my skull pounded and everything hurt, especially my stomach and chest. I glanced down, a pole was imbedded in my chest. Spearing me.

A split second. And I could've avoided the truck. A split second and I could've not looked at my phone right when I did. If I had looked up a split second sooner, this wouldn't have happened.

_A split second changes everything._

I closed my eyes.


	2. Things I can't control

Chapter 2- things I can't control

I'm sorry if I got Cristina's age wrong. Review/follow/favourite! Hope you like the new chapter and I'm planning on doing Meredith's POV next chapter so if you want to hear someone else's POV then tell me. I'm open to suggestions and constructive criticism is helpful to me. So read on.

This is kind of a filler, so bear with me.

Owen's POV

_There are things I can't control. We can't control anything. As doctors we like to think that were in control, in the drivers seat but really all we can do is delay the inevitable because at the end of the day, it's out of our control._

"What do we have?" I asked Kepner, walking through the double doors, out of the ER and into the ambulance bay.

"Car vs. truck, sir." She said in her usual perky manner.

"Who won?"

"Truck, obviously." More people rushed out, Meredith who smiled sadly at me, who probably missed Cristina almost as much as I did. Dereck, Callie and Jo who was now into orthopaedics, Richard, Bailey and Shane who was on Bailey's service.

We could all hear the sirens of the ambulance. Then it pulled up in front of us and the doors opened.

"35 year old, female. Head on collision with a truck and is impaled on a pole. Head and spine injury. We can't tell much because we didn't want to shift the pole and have her bleed out." The ambulance driver informed us. The first thing I saw was the pole it wasn't too big, but big enough to make the woman look small. The next thing I saw was the mess of black curls that were matted with thick red blood.

I could hear everybody gasp, then Meredith let out a sob and crashed to the ground. Kepner was frozen and bailey had tears sliding down her cheeks. It was like I was there, but I wasn't there. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, and couldn't breathe. I couldn't do anything.

Everything and everyone was frozen. Moving in slow motion. Nothing was real. Nothing mattered. Just her. And she was bleeding. She was helpless. She was dying.

"EVERYBODY!" yelled Richard, everybody looked to him, he always was the one to guide us. He was the heart and soul of the hospital, he would know what to do. "Calm down. I know that it's hard, but if we can't pull ourselves together then you need to leave. Because Cristina Yang is bleeding out right now, and we are standing around being useless. So when you've all calmed down, let's go and save this amazing cardiothoracic surgeon, who would help us if we were dying and not just stand around." Everybody tried to calm their breathing and was nodding. "Now, Owen, you need to go to the waiting room. You too Meredith."

"What? Why!" Meredith yelled.

"You are both too close to her."

We both nodded and watched them roll her away in the gurney. We stood helplessly, not knowing what to do. We wouldn't make it if she died. We walked through the ER with nurses looking at us with sympathetic eyes. We sat down outside OR 2 where we knew that just inside Cristina's life hung in the balance, between life and death.

"Should we be praying? Or something?" Meredith asked softly looking at her surgeon hands. I didn't say anything, I didn't know how to. I've never been this worried for someone before. There was the time when I found out about the plane crash and I didn't know if she would be coming home in a body bag or safe.

This felt different though. Worse.

At least then I had a tiny bit of hope.

All I could do now was think of flowers. We never talked about what type of flowers she would like at her funeral if she died. We didn't make arrangements. If she died then no one would know what she would have liked her funeral to be like.

"We should call her mother." Meredith said. She got up and was back ten minutes later.

"She's not coming. She's busy. Said something about curtains." She sat down again and we just stared at the wall.

It was hours later when Bailey and Richard exited the scrub room and looked at us. "She's coded a few times, but she's going steady for the moment. We've fixed the damage done to her stomach, intestines and kidneys. We've had to remove one of her kidneys but she'll live. Now she's being taken to get a full body x-ray to see the full extent of the damage." Richard said. I saw tears in his eyes. He sat down next to Mer and hugged her, she started to cry and sob, but I didn't care. I felt like this was my fault. If I had tried harder to get her to stay, then maybe this wouldn't have happened.

"Someone needs to go hold her hand while she's in the x-ray." Meredith said, her voice cracking and her words nearly impossible to hear or make sense of. Bailey nodded and left.

"Owen, you should get some sleep." Richard said, his voice soothing like a lullaby.

I stood up and left the hospital, I ended up at Joe's.

I drank my sorrows away till I couldn't anymore.

It's out of my control now.

_We like to think that were in control. It's nice to think that we are. It comforts us. Soothes us. But it's not real. Whoever is in control, it's up to them. And there's nothing we can do about it._


	3. The Wait is Over

Chapter 3- the wait is over

So now were going to find out what's happening with Cristina!

Meredith's POV

_Waiting is hard. You don't know what's happening, what's going to happen, what could happen. That's why it's horrible to be in the waiting room. You wait. And you wait. _

I couldn't look at her, when she's that way. She's always been the strong one. She carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. People depend on her and now she needs to depend on us.

I don't know what I'd do if she didn't make it. What would I tell my kids? How would I come to work each day and see our table in the cafeteria, outside on the grass where she saw me puke on our first day (which she still hasn't told anyone about.), the OR where she saved my husband's life with a gun to her head, the tunnels where we talked and studied, the attending's lounge where we would talk about our patients. Every corner of this building had a memory of her in it.

She was my sister. My person.

It would be impossible to survive her death.

I went to the day care. I watched Zola and Sofia play with dolls together, I watched Bailey sleep. They had no idea of what was happening right now.

They were laughing at something one of them said and I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to know what was happening. I was done with waiting.

I saw the crash cart team run into the x-ray room, I ran trying to see what was happening. It was Cristina she was coding again. Tears slid down my cheeks, she was so fragile, so small.

"Charge to 100." Yelled Bailey, "clear!" she placed the paddles on Cristina's chest and her body jumped.

Still nothing. "Charge to 150!" bailey didn't bother yelling clear because everybody was standing back, waiting. Still nothing.

"Charge to 200!" Bailey screamed, I could see the tears that were coating her cheeks. Cristina's heart was still flat lining.

"250!" we all waited.

And waited.

Then, there was a heartbeat. A steady one. Bailey handed over the paddles and sat down on the ground and buried her head into her hands.

Everybody breathed a sigh of relief and tried to compose themselves.

I walked over to Cristina's body. I smoothed out the hair that was stuck to her forehead with blood and my tears splashed onto her cheeks and eyelids. I wiped my cheeks dry and turned around, everyone was shaken by what just happened and how long it took to get her back.

"Did you get the scans?" I asked Dereck, my husband and neuro god. I trusted him, that if she had brain damage or a spine fracture, to make it better. He nods, we look at the scans in the exam room.

My hopes are crushed.

I don't think she's going to want to live.

"She's got a severely compressed spine. She's paralysed from the waist down. She may never walk again." I hear Dereck speaking.

"Is there a chance or anything…" I trail off knowing that there's not much he can do, only time can tell.

"Not really." Callie replies. She looks crestfallen. If she can never walk then how can she be a surgeon?

"She's got a minor brain bleed. I can fix that." Dereck says, trying to be helpful. He's not. I was getting overwhelmed by all this information.

"I should find Owen. Are you going to take her to surgery now?" Callie nodded, I walked back into the x-ray room where Cristina was.

"You better not die on me, ok?" she didn't move, her chest rise and falls with air from the oxygen mask over her face.

I left and looked everywhere I could think of where Owen could be, he wasn't in the hospital, or the trailer, I even checked the firehouse. He was nowhere. I decided that if he didn't want to be found, then I wouldn't find him. I went to Joe's planning on getting so drunk I went cross eyed.

Then I saw him there, he was hunched over a bottle of bourbon and he looked drunker than I've ever seen him. I tapped his shoulder and he turned his head and looked at me, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked like crap. I probably looked that way too.

"What?" his voice was slurred. How long has he been here?

"Your ex-wife just went into surgery, to fix her compressed spine and she may never walk again. So excuse me for thinking that you should know!" I snapped at him. I was sick of his attitude. I was tired, worried and going out of my mind crazy he really shouldn't be an ass to me today.

His mouth formed a perfect 'O' and he didn't say anything just closed his mouth and handed me the bottle of bourbon that he had been holding so closely. I took a sip and wrinkled my nose at the taste and the burn in the back of my throat that it caused. But I took another sip, anyway.

I don't know how it happened but I ended up in an on call room bed. It was dark and I couldn't see a thing. I reached my hand out trying to find something to light up the dark room.

I found my phone and saw that it was nearly 7 at night. I had several missed calls and texts.

**DERECK: where r u?**

**DERECK: did u find Owen?**

**DERECK: wont b home 2nite.**

**DERECK: Cristina's in room 314**

**DERECK: she's not awake but u can c her.**

**CALLIE: where r u? u and Owen should b here.**

**ARIZONA: Callie and I are going to take the kids tonight so that you can stay with Cristina.**

**ALEX: Cristina's going 2 b fine, she's tough.**

**ALEX: I need a drink r u up 4 Joe's?**

**Dereck- 6 missed calls.**

**Arizona- 3 missed calls.**

**Alex- 5 missed calls.**

**Richard- 2 missed calls.**

I sighed and got out of bed, it felt like my head was being beaten by a hammer. Hangovers are the worst.

Room 311, 312, 313 and… room 314. I don't know if I'm strong enough to open that door.

But I had to. I opened the door and saw a whole crows of people gathered around Cristina's bed. Owen wasn't there. I saw that Dereck was in a chair against the wall, Alex was sitting in a chair on the right of her bed and Richard and bailey were sitting in chairs against the far wall and the residents were standing.

"Has she woken up yet?" my voice was croaky and it scraped my throat like dry sandpaper.

Everybody shakes their heads. I sit down in the chair next to Dereck, he grabs my hand and squeezes it.

Somebodies pager goes off, but no one moves. It's mine. I ignore it and then Baileys and Richards goes off. Must be some big general surgery emergency. Neither stand but then Baileys beeps again so she reluctantly stands, "keep me posted." She says in her usual Bailey way. We all nod.

It must be about three hours later, Alex is eating lime jelly, Jo and Leah are reading this month's medical journal, Richard is reading up on a cutting edge new surgery, Dereck is texting Callie, Arizona is now here because she left the kids with Callie so she could bring us all donuts which no one has eaten and I'm reading some sappy romance novel that Cristina would laugh at.

I hear a groan and then the heart monitor starts flat lining and we all stand and Alex is about to yell for a crash cart when we see that Cristina pulled out all the tubes, wires and needles. She is also struggling to get the oxygen mask off. Richard takes it off for her, and we all wait.

She blinks a few times before she opens her eyes fully.

"Cristina?" Dereck asks, he shines a flash light into her eyes which she pulls back from.

"Hey everybody." Her voice is scratchy from hours of not being used, she smiles softly.

_The waiting is over._

AN: kind of a mopey chapter :/


	4. Smile

Chapter 4- Smile

Alex's POV

_Smiling gets harder when you see the things we have. It becomes a chore and it hurts. We should smile more. But how can one smile such sweet smiles, when one is so saddened by sorrows, how can I smile the same smiles, when life brings me nothing but tears?_

We all waited for her to say something else, but instead she fell back asleep.

I think everyone nearly sighed with relief. She was ok.

Dereck and Meredith stayed while Richard and Arizona went home and the residents apart from Jo went to Joe's across the street. Jo and I went into an on call room. We laid on the bed and faced each other.

Neither of us said anything. Today so much had happened, Cristina may never walk or be a surgeon again. It was a lot to take in. I had always admired her dedication to surgery.

Jo's pager went off and interrupted the silence. "Ortho emergency. Do you need me?" she asked. How did I end up with someone as good as her?

"I'll be fine." She looked unconvinced, "go, break some bones." She smiled and left.

I was on my back staring at the ceiling. George, Izzie, Rebecca, Lucy and Lexie. I couldn't add Cristina to the list. Despite our bickering we were best friends.

I decided that I should be helpful and do something. I walked slowly to the nurse's office and filled out charts, not the best but it was all I could manage.

It was only 6 charts later when I got bored and decided to just wait for news on Cristina. I sat down and sat on the box that I've been carrying around for the past week, just waiting for the perfect moment. I pulled it out of my white coat and looked at it. It was a black velvet box. I opened it and saw the ring that I picked out a week ago that would take forever to pay off. It was a simple silver band with a single carat in the middle, on the inside of it was a simple inscription:

Together forever.

Now probably wasn't the best of times though.

I put the box back into my white coat and walked aimlessly around the hospital. I bumped into a familiar body and smiled.

Jo grabbed my hand and pulled me into the supply closet, there we kissed. Now would be perfect. But we were surrounded by gauze and needles. Maybe if I proposed later tonight when we were alone.

I had to do it now. I pulled away from Jo and got down on one knee. I could see the confused expression turn to shock turn to panic.

"I love you, Jo Wilson. And I want to marry you, because I want to be with you forever. So marry me, Jo." I say breathlessly, I breathe heavily waiting for a yes. Or a no. A maybe?

"Your upset about Cristina-"I pull out the velvet box.

"I've had it for a week. Before Cristina's accident." She opens it and gasps.

"Now isn't the best time…"

"When is the best time? When one of us gets hit by a bus or drowns in a super freak rainstorm? People die around her! And I don't want to die, not being married to you! I don't want to waste any more time! I want to wake up in the morning with you next to me, I want your face to be the first and last face I see each day for the rest of my life. I love you and I want to be able to hold your hand in public around here, without the threat of getting suspended. I want you. Only you. So marry me?" she was wide eyed and her eyes were pooling with tears.

She whispers something that I can't hear. She says it again only too low for me to hear.

"Yes." I hear her whisper. She slides on the ring and it looks like it was meant to be there.

"Yes?" she nods. "Say it again." I am smiling so widely that my face physically hurts.

"Yes!" she screams and laughs. I pull her into my arms and kiss her with everything I've got.

"I've got to tell Mer." She's the first person that I would tell. She nods and we stand, she leaves to tell the other residents and I walk to room 314, where I'm positive she still is.

I start running and bumping into people who curse me, but who cares! I'm getting married!

I throw open the door and run into the room, "I asked Jo to marry me and she said yes!" I yelled out quickly.

I saw Mer looking at me with wide eyes, then she smiles and squeals in delight, she runs over to me and gives me a big hug. Then I see Cristina, she's sitting up in bed. She has a big smile on her face, the same smile that she had when she passed her residency exam.

"I would come over and hug you but I'm high on morphine and I can't walk." She laughs. I look at Mer and her face tells me that Cristina is telling the truth. "So tell me everything!" even though this entire situation is so screwed up, I sit in the chair beside her bed while Mer lays down next to her and tell them how I proposed.

I'm getting married to the love of my life.

_I wondered for so long, what reason you had to smile that long, to keep smiling through the troubles you face, and still remain the same person, it's such a mystery to me, your smiles from heaven with glee, I adore and yet envy you, I want to smile. Your smiles bring me somewhere, to smile with no reason, must be great. I guess life is just like that, we don't need a reason to smile, for a smile is the reason itself. Smile for the sake of a smile, smile for the sake of happiness, smile for the sake of life, and smile because of hope left in life._


	5. I'm Still Standing

Chapter 5- I'm still standing

Cristina's POV

_It's hard to stay standing when everything keeps on pushing you down._

Outside it's raining. It's like I can hear each raindrop fall from the sky and splash onto the roof, I'm concentrating that hard.

I'm in my room at Mer's dream house. I decided to stay here and leave the newly engaged couple to do whatever normal newly engaged couples who aren't going through PTSD do. I sigh and turn my head to look at the wall, plain white, nothing but a dresser against it. I heard footsteps coming towards my room and faced the door, I was expecting Mer or Dereck. It was Arizona.

"Hey." Her usually perky voice had lost its upbeat tone, but she still had a dazzling smile and her sparkling blue eyes.

"Hey." I said politely and gave her my best get the hell away from me smiles. They usually made people run away in fear, but this paediatric surgeon would need more than that. I needed to up my game.

I just wanted to be left alone.

It had only been 19 days in hospital till I demanded to be discharged. It's been 8 days since I got here, I was sick of being babied. Everybody was constantly checking on me and they brought me my food on a tray. Meredith yesterday brand me low fat milk and cut up eggs. It was like I had a mother who cared.

Everybody else treated me like I was fragile glass or like I was a broken toy. Nobody knew it yet but I had heard Meredith and Dereck talking. They don't think I'll ever walk again. They also said that I probably wouldn't ever be a surgeon again either. My heart was in shreds.

All I ever wanted was to be the best and now what was I? I was no one. Nothing. I wasn't anything without my scalpel.

"I know some of what you're going through."" I looked at her. Maybe she did, she lost one of her legs. "I know it's hard. That feeling that you're ruined. That you are never going to be the same. I've been there." She said it softly like a secret she was only sharing with me.

"What am I going to do?" my voice was dry and rough, from not being used enough.

"You're going to be the best you can be and you're going to show everybody that you're not a fragile china doll made of glass, that you still standing." Arizona said. It was good advice. I nodded and she took my hand and squeezed it.

"Can you bring my wheel chair over?" I asked. I hadn't been in it except for on the way out of the hospital to Dereck's car and then from Dereck's car to my room in the dream house.

She wheeled it over to me and helped me into it, it was strange. My legs were there, but I couldn't use them. Like I had forgotten the password to move my own legs. She pushed me until we reached her car. We drove in a comfortable silence, I didn't ask where we were going. I'm pretty sure it's the hospital.

Turns out I was right. I should be a psychic.

I roll myself past the front doors with Arizona keeping pace with me. She leads the way to the board meeting room. Crap. Is this when they fire me? Because I can't stand? That wouldn't be fair.

Life's unfair. I'm a case and point. Arizona walks in and I follow her.

"Everybody like my hot new wheels?" I joke, make light of the situation and seem like you don't care. Nobody laughs, "jeez, tough crowd." I take a Danish from the centre of the table and slowly begin to eat it.

"Cristina-"I cut off Callie.

"Are you going to fire me?" I jump straight to the point, I was never patient. They all look at each other confused.

"No." Dereck says immediately and everyone shakes their heads.

"Oh, phew." My cheeks are probably tinged pink by now and they won't match my nail polish.

"We were thinking that you should do administrative duties, until…" Dereck trailed off, what was I going to do, I couldn't do surgery and I probably wasn't going to walk again, I'd be stuck doing files and charts for the rest of my life.

"Yeah ok." I said, I could see Arizona look at me in pity. I hate that look. "Well I gotta go." I smiled and rolled away. I rolled around not going anywhere specific, then I decided to go and get some of my medical journals so I had something to do from my locker in the attending's lounge.

Bad idea. I tried to stretch my arm as far as it could, I could touch one of them and I tried to grab it but they ended up toppling over the edge and fell to the ground. Suddenly a hand that wasn't mine grabbed the books and handed them to me. I looked at the hand and trailed my eyes up the arm, to the broad shoulders, neck, strong jaw, dark chocolate brown eyes and tousled, floppy caramel blonde hair.

"Thanks." I grabbed my books out of his hands and smiled. How embarrassing.

"Do you work here?" his voice was soft as velvet but it was deep.

"Uh, yeah I'm a cardiothoracic surgeon. Was. I was a cardiothoracic surgeon." I should get used to saying that.

"Was? What did you quit?" was this guy a moron?

"Uh, no. I was in an accident and now I'm in a wheelchair. I can't exactly cut people open from this height." He laughed like I was joking.

"I'm sure you can still be a surgeon." Wow, this guy was a major optimist. I nodded and smiled, it was kind of uplifting to hear that he thought I could still be a surgeon. "Want to go for a walk?" he asked.

I laughed, I actually laughed. "That was possibly the worst joke I've ever heard."

"Yeah, sorry. It wasn't meant to come out like that." He laughed too.

"Let's roll." I smiled, I'm a funny person.

He laughed heartily, "That was a good one." He nods. "So do you want to go and eat crappy cafeteria food with me?" was he asking me out on a date.

"I would love nothing more than to eat crappy food." I smiled.

We headed towards the cafeteria in comfortable silence.

"So I don't even know your name and I've just agreed to eat cafeteria food" I exaggerated the word cafeteria, "I mean you could be a serial killer or a crazy cat man." My imagination sometimes ran wild. He looked down at me and smiled, I was going to have to get used to people looking down at me.

"I'm Ian Samuels, I'm a General Surgeon." Ian said. It suited him. "What's your name? I can't keep on calling you pretty lady anymore."

"I'm Cristina." He sat down at the table, while I just wheeled to the other side so we were opposite each other. "So you think I'm pretty." He smiled almost shyly and nodded sheepishly.

"Yeah, I do."

_You may see me struggle but you won't see me fall, because I'm still standing. Regardless if I'm weak or not, I'm going to stand tall. Everyone says life is easy but truly living it is not. Times get hard and people struggle. But I'm going to wear the biggest smile even though I want to cry, I'm going to fight to live and even though I'm destined to die, and even though it's hard and I may struggle through it all. But still, like dust, I'll rise. Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did, looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid, I'm still standing after all this time, picking up the pieces of my life._


	6. AN

A/N- I haven't decided if this is a Crowen story or a Cristina/OC story and I don't know how to write Cristina's mother so I just decided to not have her come into it.


	7. Witness the Change

A/N- I'm making this a Cristina/OC story but! The endgame is Crowen, I just think that Cristina needs to be with somebody else to make her realize how much she loves Owen and how she should have given him more.

A/N 2: in my defence Cristina's mother didn't even visit when she was in the plane crash or when she got married to Owen but I agree I probably should've made her call.

A/N 3- (Don't worry this is the last one) who would you like to see come back? Teddy or Burke.

Chapter 7- Witness the change.

_In my mind there are mirrors, reflecting on my past. The shattered hopes and dreams of a future that was never meant to last. Just turn around now. Tell me what you see. Look all around you, is this how things should be? Had enough of love never lasting but now I know it never will but hanging around on the off chance. Waiting for that certain thrill. Just turn around now and see what we have done. It's getting late now and the future has begun so witness the change._

I've been observing the way people walk lately, like her in the purple blouse with the ketchup stain, always walking as though she's in a hurry. The guy in the green jacket walks with purpose. The woman in the mismatched socks walked with confidence and certainty in herself.

I feel a hand tap my shoulder, I looked behind me and saw Owen standing there. I was outside the hospital, watching the snowflakes fall and dust the ground in white. The snow was cold and sharp as it bit at my fingers and the wind kissed my cheeks.

"Hey." I said it so softly and quietly that I wasn't sure he had heard me.

"Hey." He smiled and sat on the bench next to me. "I'm sorry, I haven't been around to see you but ii wasn't sure you wanted to, I should've fought harder for you to stay, maybe this wouldn't have happened." He looked guilty.

"Don't think about the maybe's and what if's. This happened. And I'm dealing." I nodded, I was reassuring myself more than him but my words seemed to put him at ease. "So, what've you been doing lately?"

"Working."

"You need to get a life." This was probably very hypocritical of me, since before the accident I basically lived here. I no longer belong here but I can't seem to tear myself away. Apparently we go through five stages of grief.

I think I'm currently in denial.

He smiles at me but only for a second before it disappears. "OMG! A smile! Somebody alert the media!" I laugh and he hits me in the shoulder softly. People say it's a sign of affection. I hit him in the shoulder, hard. Well as hard as I can hit. Which probably isn't very hard. "So… got any cute dates, for tonight?" he looks embarrassed by my question.

"Uh no… you know we don't have to talk about this. Actually I would prefer it if we didn't."

"You want kids though, don't you?" he nods softly, "well if you're going to have kids than you're going to have to find the right companion. A high IQ and mildly attractive looks, maybe you should ask out that nurse from the second floor, I think her name's Natalie, I heard her say that she thinks your cute." They would make beautiful babies together.

"How do you know that?"

"I listen to the gossip." Owen never listened to the gossip, it was a good thing but also made him completely oblivious and clueless.

"You know what I'll just make you a list of suitable women who would most likely have a child worthy of being yours." It was nice that we were friends and not just exes or co-workers.

"No, I think I'm good." He softly laughed at me or the conversation e=we were having, I'm not quite sure.

"You sure?"

"Positive." His pager beeps and he stands but then leans down and kisses me on my cheek, his lips are cool from the cold air of winter and are firm. His lips linger longer than they would if this was just a polite kiss. He pulls away and walks off. I watch him walk away, his tall and broad figure, until I can no longer see him.

I look down at my hands. They were the hands of a surgeon. A surgeon. Not a wife or a friend. I gave away everything and now I have nothing.

"I want a simple wedding. Not even in a church. Maybe a park or even in the hospital." Alex was planning his wedding with Mer's and my help. I had a lot of time on my hands and Mer was soft.

"What does Jo want?" I ask.

"She wants to me to plan it. She doesn't care as long as at the end of the day, she's my wife and our friends are there to see it happen." Alex didn't seem to care either. Those two were made for each other.

"What about my backyard?" Mer suggests, she looks like the idea just came to her and she's had an epiphany. "It's big so you can invite as many people as you want and the weather forecast says that this weekend there is going to be absolutely no rain! It's a miracle!"

"Hell yeah!" Alex says and then grabs Mer and pulls her into a tight hug, I laugh at the look of pure and absolute joy on his face. After all this time, I was glad he was getting his happy ending.

I spent the rest of my day planning the perfect simple wedding. White lilies were going to be delivered Saturday morning, the day of the wedding. Sandwiches and Buffalo wings and all other kinds of finger foods were going to be served on the tables that Dereck and Jackson were going to steal from the nurses. I booked a minister and ordered an alter online. Fifty white plastic chairs were waiting in Mer's living room and I had sent out an email to the guest list that Alex wrote for me.

Jo had her bridesmaids, Leah and Stephanie. And Alex asked Mer and me to be his groom's women.

This was going to happen.

Now, for my date.

Ian.

We had exchanged phone numbers over cafeteria food. He was handsome, charming and he didn't care about the chair. But maybe he felt bad for me because he saw me struggling…

The phone rang three times before a familiar smooth voice answered. "Hello?" I didn't know what to do. I pressed the hang up button and through my phone across from the room, I glared at it when it started ringing again. Damn caller ID.

I wheeled across the room and picked the phone up. "Hello." My voice was small and pathetic.

"Hey! Cristina, I'm so glad that you called." He sounded happy. But maybe I was trying to find something that wasn't actually there.

"Hey. So I don't know if you've heard but my friend um… Alex is getting married." I was stuttering and sounded like I was about to throw up.

"Oh, yeah. I think I heard about that from the nurses."

"Yeah. Well I'm planning it and I wanted to know if I should just have lilies for the flower arrangement or maybe I should add some roses or daisies in…" my voice trailed off towards the end. It was a white lie, I truly did want to ask someone, it wasn't going to be Ian, but he'll do. And this way I don't have to embarrass myself.

"Oh." He paused for a second. "Is that what you wanted to ask me?" he sounded sad, like I had just kicked his puppy.

I nodded but then remembered that he couldn't see me so I gave a lame excuse. "Um, yeah. I'm no good at this. But I had time, so you know."

"No. I think you were going to ask me out on a date but were too much of a chicken." His tone was teasing but his words were true.

"I'm not a chicken! And I wasn't going to ask you out!" I was frantic and nervous. Damn him.

"You totally are. And your blushing." I looked around. How could he possibly know that? I saw him walking over with two cups of coffee and his phone tucked under his chin. "Told you." Why did I have to blush?

"And since your obviously not going to ask, then I am. Want to be my date to Karev's wedding?" he handed me a cup of coffee. It had no sugar or milk in it, just the way I liked it.

"Are you even invited?" I don't remember his name on the guest list. "And what are you doing here?" he smiled, his teeth were white and perfect, his lips were firm and full, kissable.

"Nope. And I'm here because I knew you would be" he paused and looked out at the woods, "and Meredith grey needed help lifting and we've become friends kind of."

I lightly laughed and smiled, he made me smile. "Well to answer your question, yes I will… be your date to the wedding. And I'm not a chicken." He got up and walked away.

I heard him laugh and yell "yes you are!"

Today was Alex's wedding and I needed a change.

"How short?" the woman behind me had blue highlights and bleach blonde hair, her eyebrow was pierced in two places and her nose had a ring in it.

"Chin length." She nodded and the scissors started cutting. I watched my hair fall and gather on the floor.

When she was done, I nearly didn't recognize myself when I looked into the mirror in front of me. But I liked it. It was new. A change, I desperately needed.

I paid the woman and left the hairdressers. Ian was waiting outside for me, he was leaning against the door to his Audi, soaking up the rare sun of Seattle. He was wearing jeans, a pale grey t-shirt and sunglasses.

"I like it." He ruffled my hair and I swatted his hand away.

We drove back to Mer's and I went to where Mer was getting changed into her dark red dress, it had only one strap and went to just above the knees. We had to wear the same dress as Alex's grooms women.

"Your hair-"she looked shell shocked, not once in the time that we had known each other had I ever cut my hair. "It's so different…" she touched it softly.

"I needed a change." I shrugged my shoulders, she twirled my hair and tucked it behind my ears.

"Well it looks great." She smiled and I smiled back. Smiling used to be painful, now I just… smiled and there was no pain just happiness when I smiled, it wasn't fake or forced.

I got dressed into my identical red dress with help from Mer. I put on my red flats that matched, I didn't need heels anymore. I put on red lip-gloss and silver eye shadow, Mer fluffed up my hair and left it down.

Alex walked in, he was wearing a black tux and his bow tie wasn't tied. He looked happy but nervous.

"Alex you look…great." It wasn't often when I gave compliments but when I did everybody looks like they just died of shock. "Come here." I patted Meredith's bed and he sat down, he was still taller than me but his neck was in line with the top of my head. I tied the bow tie perfectly if I do say so myself.

"Nervous?" Mer asked, it was just us like old times. Minus Barbie and 007.

"A little… but no." he paused, "this is the best day of my life." He looked like he was about to become the happiest man in the world and he was.

Meredith and I pulled him in for a hug. Mer was on the floor on her knees and Alex's head was resting on my shoulder, we were all leaning on each other like it had always been. We stayed that for a till we heard the violins on the CD machine that I had downloaded started playing. Guests must be arriving.

Alex stood and sighed, he straightened out his jacket and walked towards the door. "Time to start the first day of the rest of my life."

We followed him out. People that I recognized from the hospital were sitting down and the minister was talking to Dereck. I saw Owen standing over by the bar talking to Callie and Bailey. He was wearing a navy blazer and a white button up shirt.

Ian was talking to Richard, he saw me and headed over he handed me a flute of grape coloured wine. Meredith looked at me questioningly and walked over to Dereck who kissed her cheek. I forgot that I hadn't told her about my date with Ian.

We chatted and joked around like we usually do and then he sat down in his chair in the front while I wheeled over to the empty space left for me. Alex was standing up there and everybody was sitting.

Everybody apart from me stood when Jo walked up to where the aisle started, the music changed and she walked down the aisle. Her dress was white and went to the knee's, around the waist was a bow and it had sleeves that stopped at the elbows. It was beautiful, she looked amazing. Her hair was piled onto the top of her head in a bun. The wedding went by fast. I looked to where Owen was sitting next to Arizona, our eyes met and I felt that spark that I always felt but it wasn't as strong as it used to be. I looked at the man sitting next to me. He was amazing and carefree. Exactly what I needed. He met my eyes and smiled his toothy grin, his hand moved over to where mine was resting, ours fingers intertwined and tingles shot up my arm. It felt right.

It was Jo's turn to say her vows. "I promise to make you laugh and I promise to make you happy. You make me feel alive. I give you my heart. I give you my soul and I give you our life together. You give me your heart and you give me your soul. You give me our life together. I promise always to love you. I promise always to cherish you. I promise always to be by your side. Our 2 lives will move through life together. Our 2 lives will be better together. Our 2 lives will be one forever."

The minister turned to Alex. "I love you. You are my best friend. Our love is so strong. I believe our love can do anything. So today I commit to give my life to you in marriage. You have taught me what it is to truly love something more than my own self. I commit to you that I will love you forever. I will give my life for you. And I promise to always protect your life with mine. I will celebrate with you in times of great happiness and I will not just stand by you, but carry you during times of life's greatest sorrows. I will cherish your health, but one day when it fades I will be with you in any sickness or weakness you face, from now until the day that I die. One day we will celebrate great riches, but even if those parish and we are left with nothing, I will always stand by you, and you will always be taken care of. I will never give up on our love. I prayed for you before I ever met you. You're the answer to every prayer I have ever prayed. You are the only one for me, and from this day fourth I will forsake all others and be bound only to you. I love you, and now I get to spend the rest of my life proving it to you." A lone tear rolled down my cheek and I saw tears gathered in Jo's eyes.

They said their 'I do's' and then when the minister allowed them to kiss they did so with so much fire, passion and love, that it restored my faith that maybe love was still an option for me.

Alex and Jo walked with hands locked together towards the car that would take them to their new future as a married couple, everybody cheered. I knew then that everything would be ok.

_Change is a challenge. Change is a fear. Change is the change of mind. Change is a change of attitude. Change is a change of way of life. Change is the change of recognized. Change is the change of mysterious. Change is the change to solitude. Change is the change to perfection. Change is the change to unknown ethics. Change is the change to supremacy. Change is the change to divinity. A change to know the real self._

_Things change. People change. Minds change. Love changes. Hearts change. Life is change._

A/N: most chapters will be in Cristina's POV from now on.


	8. Still I Rise

Still I Rise

Cristina's POV

_Shattered, but I'm not broken. Wounded, but time will heal. Heavy the load, the cross I bear. Lonely the road I trod, I dare. Shaken, but here I stand. Weary, Still I press on. Long are the nights, the tears I cry. Dark are the days, no sun in the sky._

My arms ached from pushing myself around in my wheelchair all day, my physical therapist say's I'll get used to it, but I don't want to. I want to walk and run and stand again.

I was in physical therapy. I wasn't listening to the doctor though, I was looking at Ian who had volunteered to go with me to my first session, and he was softly smiling at me. Our eyes held contact. I was laying on an examination table.

I have to go to physical therapy once a day except for the weekends, it's mostly about stretching and bending the limbs that I still can, easy. Except that it's exhausting and I always end up sweaty and tired. It's like I'm trapped in my own body.

My eye snapped to the doctors.

Did he just say that?

Was he being serious?

Was he lying?

Ian drove me back to Meredith's house, I hadn't said a word since the doctor had said what he did. I think I was in shock. Ian took my hand in his and kissed me on the corner of my mouth. His lips on my skin still made me tingle and send shocks through me.

My throat was thick and closed off, I couldn't speak. Ian helped me out and took me to the door, "want me to come in?" I shook my head, he nodded and said goodbye and I twisted the door knob and went inside, Zola and Bailey were playing on the ground while Meredith watched softly laughing when Bailey said something that couldn't be understood but made him smile or Zola did something sweet and helped Bailey do something. It was cute but right now I was just not quite in the mood to 'aww' at them.

"Hey." Meredith said as she saw me, I waved weakly and went back to my bedroom.

I lifted myself onto my bed with my arms. I laid there while thinking about the doctors words.

I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up my room was pitch black. Outside the moon hung high and full in the sky, the stars twinkled and winked. I looked at the time on my phone 2:34 AM, I had a missed call from Ian.

He left a message, "hey, Cris, uh um look I know what the doctor says was a really big shock and that he said that there was a very small chance, it's still a chance so don't give up just because he called the chance small, your Cristina Yang, you can make anything happen. I believe in you." I smiled and put the phone down.

If he believed I could, then maybe I could.

No. I damn well would!

I was going to walk again.

'_I was looking at your x-rays and there is a very small possibility that with enough physical therapy, that you could walk again.' The doctor said._

I smiled and went back to sleep, because tomorrow was going to be a long day.

"Hey you look happy, what was wrong yesterday and why the sudden mood change?" Mer asked as she made plane noises and fed Bailey some mashed banana.

"It doesn't matter." Ian was picking me up again for another physical therapy session, he had volunteered to go to them with me, and actually he more like insisted and wouldn't stop bugging me about it until I caved.

He lifted me into the passenger side and put my chair into the boot of his car.

We drove in silence.

"Thank you." I said it softly but my gratitude was received.

"You're welcome." We took the elevator to my physical therapists, Charlotte. She demanded that her patients call her by her name.

I lied down on the table and Charlotte worked my legs through the routine stretchers. I held Ian's hand through the whole session while Charlotte moved by body and legs into different positions.

She took more x-rays and listened to my lungs, prescribed me some painkillers and we were done.

Ian took me back to Mer's, he was walking away.

"Wait, do you um want to come in? For coffee or something?" he smiled and nodded.

We sat down on the couch and slowly sipped our hot beverages.

"Do you really think that I can do it?" I asked it so quietly that I wasn't sure he heard me.

But then he turned around and looked at me, "of course I do. You're amazing and you can do anything." His faith in me was endearing.

"And if I can't?" this was what I was scared about.

"Then you'll still be the same Cris that I know." I didn't need anything more. I leaned over and brushed my lips against his, it was five seconds before I pulled away, the kiss was chaste and soft. Ian's eyes were closed and he was smiling. He opened his eyes, the way he looked at me made me melt, "can you do that again?" I nodded and leaned over, our mouths moved in sync and it was amazing.

Ian's pager went off, the hospital. "I have to go." I nodded and he kissed me lightly on the lips again before leaving.

It wasn't long before I heard a car door open and shut. The door opened and Arizona walked in.

I'm pretty sure that Meredith has been arranging for everybody to take shifts and babysit me when she's not home.

"Hey." She was still the same perky and bubbly blonde, at least that hadn't changed.

"Hi." She sat down next to me and leaned back against the couch.

"You're not fine." She says bluntly. I turn my head to her, she was being rude today.

"Yes I am."

"You may think that you are but you're not. And you don't have to be, you got hit by a truck, almost died and now you're paralysed." She was starting to get on my nerves.

"I'm not paralysed. It's temporary." I snapped at her. The blonde doesn't say anything, but I can see that she doesn't believe it. And I hate her for it. Why can't everybody believe in me like Ian does?

I can see the pity and the sympathy in her eyes. I thought Arizona would get it, and not treat me like an injured puppy that just got kicked in the face. Guess I was wrong. I just wanted people to know that I was ok and that I wasn't going to be like this forever.

Neither of us said anything for a long while, it could have been seconds or minutes but it felt like hours, it was so awkward and the tension was so thick I could see it.

She sighed and got up, "I know it's hard, but giving yourself false hope is going to make it harder." She walked out the door and I heard her turn on her engine and back out of the driveway.

I was going to walk again, it wasn't false hope. It was determination.

_Yet still I rise. Never to give up. Never to give in against all odds. Yet still I rise. High above the clouds. At times I feel low. Yet still I rise_

A/N: next chapter will probably be the return of either Teddy or Burke.

A/N2: will she walk again?


	9. All I Need is a Little Courage

All I Need is a Little Courage

Review/follow/favourite

Now on with the story!

Cristina's POV

_Courage is what makes us. Courage is what divides us. Courage is what drives us. Courage is what stops us._

It was Sofia's birthday today and as her godmother I was required to go. I loved Sofia, I just didn't want everybody to look at me the way Arizona looked at me the way she looked at me when she visited a week ago.

But I was just going to suck it up and celebrate one of my best surgeries ever. The surgery that saved the life of Callie, my friend and Sofia, one out of the few babies I could stand.

I had asked Ian to go, I wasn't going to because I had been asking too much of him and I wasn't giving him anything in return but then he suggested that he be my date so I asked him. Or he asked me. Whatever.

I hadn't seen him since before Arizona's visit either, he hadn't been going to my physical therapy because he had been busy, he had a life other than me I was beginning to realize but we still chatted on the phone twice a day. His voice was soothing. It had a calming effect on me. Like the sound of waves in the ocean. It was an Ian thing, I guess.

We pressed the button for the doorbell of their new house and waited.

It was Callie who answered. "Hey! Come in! Come in!" she hurried us in and walked through the hall to the backdoor to where we entered the backyard where the party was happening. Alex and Jo were cuddled up together nearly making out, still in the honeymoon phase I see. Dereck was chasing all the kids around, Tucker jr, Zola, Bailey jr, Sofia and other kids from day care that I did not know. Meredith was bringing out a bottle of lemonade. Arizona was talking to Owen who glanced my way and I thought I saw him scowl when he saw Ian with his hand on my shoulder but it disappeared when he looked back to Arizona. Jackson and April were talking cutely. Webber and Bailey were watching the kids play and laughing when they did or said something adorable.

Sofia was running towards me, I realized. She looked the same mostly, as if no time had passed, but her black hair was a little longer and her legs a little taller. She hugged one of my unmoving and unfeeling legs. It was still weird, it was there but I couldn't move it or feel it. She had a huge, heart-warming smile on her face, it was contagious. I smiled back with an equal amount of teeth.

I lifted her onto my lap and soon I was pulled into talking un-understandable baby talk. I caught the look of longing that spread across Owen's face. It hurt him to see me here, happy with a child when I killed ours.

I had to truly let him go.

Owen's POV:

She looked so happy bouncing Sofia on her lap and talking to Ian about something that made her laugh.

My heart ached when I looked over at her, but I couldn't stop myself. She was so beautiful and strong. She looked over and her lips were pulled up into a face splitting smile, I smiled at her and she waved.

Ian walked away from her and I walked over and sat down on the fold out table in front of her, she was glowing. Her new haircut made her eyes seem sharper and softer at the same time and it showed off her slim neck that I loved so much.

"Hey."

"Hey." We didn't say much more. What was there to say?

"How's physical therapy going?" it seemed like a safe topic to talk about but maybe I should have gone for something that wasn't about the chair, it was probably all everyone talked to her about.

"I'm going to walk again." She smiled brightly. She shouldn't be harbouring false hope, if it didn't work out she would be absolutely crushed.

"What do you mean?"

"I have a chance. My physical therapist said that there was a chance." I nodded. "Why don't you go out on a date with one of the women that I listed for you, they would all make great babies. Good genes." I sighed, all I wanted was a baby with her but she didn't want a baby.

Ian walked back over with a drink in his hands for her, she took a small sip from the lemon yellow drink and shuddered, "that's horrible." Ian took a drink of his own and his nose crinkled.

"It's not that bad." He was lying, I could tell by the way his face contorted into disgust. "I'm lying its absolutely terrible. Why would they buy crappy drinks?" Cristina shrugged.

"Take care now." She said it as I was walking away.

"Take care now." I said it back.

We each gave Sofia a present and watched the bubble toddler rip away the wrapping paper. She laughed and squealed in delight as she opened each present. She got several Barbies, an anatomy Jane, medical books and stuffed toys. She loved it all. I wanted this.

But did I want it as much as I want Cristina?

I thought this question in my mind over and over and still no answer. I was getting frustrated, why couldn't I decide and why couldn't I have both? Life was unfair. But that was life I guess.

Hands wrapped around my eyes, whoever was up for playing games was a real pain in my ass, all I wanted was to not be messed with. I turned around angrily, but all the anger dissipated when I saw who it was.

"Teddy?" she nodded, I embraced her into a tight hug.

"I need to breathe, Hunt." I pulled away and smiled down at her, she seemed happier. Her hair was blonder and her skin was more sun kissed. Her eyes held that sparkle that they hadn't for a very long time ever since Henry.

"Oh my god! I've missed you so much!" I spun her around in a small circle like I always used to in Iraq.

"I know." Still the same Teddy.

"What are you doing here?"

"I knew you'd need m

"I knew you'd need my advice sooner or later, so I came as soon as I could. Also I heard that my favourite star pupil was winning a Harper Avery." She smiled with pride and she should, Cristina would not be the doctor she is today without her. "So where is she?"

"Uh, at Meredith's probably." She had moved in with them after the accident.

"So catch me up on EVERYTHING." She emphasized the word everything and looked at me with information- seeking and gossip-hungry eyes.

"Mer had another baby, Bailey. Cristina and I are divorced. She had a car crash. Alex married a new resident. Dereck is working on a brain mapping project for the president. I'm still very single and that's about it." That was never it at Grey Sloan but it was all I could manage. She looked shocked.

"Divorced?" I nodded. "Car crash?"

"She's in a wheelchair." I looked down at the floor. I could hear the very audible gasp.

"You guys aren't together?" I shook my head.

"I want kids, she doesn't. It's as simple as that." We walked over to Joe's and ordered beers.

"It's not that simple!" she said loudly, people turned to us. I glared and they all cowered away in fear.

"I just love her so much." I took another swig of my beer.

"If you love her, fight for her. And if you're not going to fight for her, let her go." Teddy said. She stood up, "I should go and see Arizona and Callie then Cristina." I nodded and she left.

"See you tomorrow?" I called after her.

"Tomorrow." She confirmed. I smiled, I had my best friend back now all I needed was the love of my life.

I would get her back. I was determined to do so. All I needed was the courage.

_Courage gives you the strength to all weaknesses_. _Courage gives you a positive outlook on life. Courage gives you the strength to move on when you don't know how too. Courage what you have when someone tries to bring you down. Courage is like a big strength you have to have it in order to live life_. _Courage is the journey of your heart, guided by strength on a path of untamed courses. Let courage guide us through._


	10. The Beginning of Tomorrow

The Beginning of Tomorrow

Cristina's POV:

_Each day is a new beginning. Call it a clean slate, a fresh start or simply a new tomorrow. A world of possibilities waits for you, tomorrow. You can be whoever, whatever and however you want to be tomorrow. Don't let yesterday's problems and thoughts hold you back from tomorrow. Because tomorrow you can start over._

It had been four weeks since Sofia's birthday party and since I had said Owen's version of 'I love you' when he couldn't tell me. It was a stupid thing to do, it gave him hope. He came over the next day and gave me flowers and the latest version of a medical journal, he informed me that Teddy was here in Seattle.

She visited me, she was still the same Teddy. The same woman and doctor who mentored me.

I still remember her visit.

_4 weeks ago_

_I was making myself a chicken sandwich and heard the doorbell of the dream house ring. Whoever it was just interrupted me making real food for the first time in forever. I opened the door and looked up at the woman standing before me. _

_I was always looking up and being looked down on._

_I didn't care though when I saw who was on the other side of the door. "Teddy?" I exclaimed, she nodded and grinned widely, she bent down to hug me. I latched onto her green sweater. It was so good to have her back. "Are you staying in Seattle for long?" I wheeled back and allowed room for her to come in then I closed the door behind her._

_She sat down next to me on the couch, as I lifted myself up by my arms. The only good thing about the exhausting physical therapy, was I had super upper body strength._

"_I haven't decided how long I'm going to stay for." She looked at me and then at my chair, "how are you dealing?" this was a complicated question._

"_I'm fine, I'm going to walk again you know?" she looked confused, "my condition is temporary." _

"_That's great." It was a relief to hear that she believed in me, everybody else looked at me in pity and told me that it was impossible. She had always been optimistic. _

"_Thanks."_

"_For what?"_

"_Just… thanks." She nodded and I looked out the window at the pine trees and stormy, grey sky. _

"_He loves you." I turned to her, who was she talking about? "Owen. He will always love you. Which is why if you don't love him, let him go." she sighed and stood up, "see you around, Yang." I hugged her and she looked surprised but soon her thin arms enveloped me in their warmth. _

_I pulled away, "bye Teddy." She left and I was alone with my thoughts._

I still didn't know what to do.

Ian drove me to physical therapy like always and held my hand for moral support.

I was standing.

I was standing with the support of two parallel bars that I held onto.

It was only about a minute before I felt my useless legs give way beneath me. My face met the cold, soft foam blue mat. My shoulders shook and my body quaked.

"Are you okay?" Ian rushed to my side and knelt next to me on the foam mat. "Don't cry. It'll be okay."

I lifted my head up from the floor and I laughed. I wasn't crying but laughing.

"You're laughing?" Ian had the cutest confused expression. "Why are you laughing?! I thought you were crying." He looked worried but relieved at the same time.

"Because that was the first time in a long time that I was able to hold myself up and stand. I wasn't in my chair or lying down. And that's good." He laughed along with me and we just sat on the foam mat.

After our laughter died down, Ian leaned over and brushed his lips against mine. I responded and our tongues touched. I don't think he noticed but his hand slowly lifted up my top and brushed the scar on my stomach. I shivered and pulled away.

"I'm so sorry." He looked away.

"It's okay, I was just…" I tried to think of the word that could define how I felt when he touched the raised scar that came from being stabbed through my stomach when I had my car crash. "Surprised." I was surprised and embarrassed and angry, because that scar would always remind me of that day even if I did get my legs back.

I leaned back in and kissed him again.

"Can you take me to the hospital?"

"Is something wrong?" I rolled my eyes.

"No I just want to go and see some people." I wanted to talk to Owen.

"Sure." He helped me up and carried me to my chair. We drove in silence, I fiddled with the radio and stopped when I got to a suitable song that I could bear to listen to. It was some song by Nickleback.

We parted ways at the glass doors, he had a surgery and I wanted to find Owen, he was probably in the ER or an on call room. I was about to go and see if I could find Owen but Arizona walked up to me.

"How've you been going?" she handed off a chart to a nurse and stood in front of me.

"I've been doing well. Great." She nodded and I nodded, it was tense.

"I need to get something off my chest and usually I wouldn't talk to you about it, but you're here so…" she paused and gulped audibly. "I um, I want another baby." She rushed out and the words entered my ears in a blur but after a moment of deciphering, I understood.

"That's great!" she looked unsure "isn't it?" she sat down in a chair that was nearby.

"I'm scared about it. The last time we tried, I miscarried."

"That doesn't mean it will happen again." She looked like she didn't believe me. "Bad stuff happens but we just have to try to face it and get past it and then when that happens maybe something good will happen. That's my theory. So you shouldn't be scared, if you're ready to face your fears then maybe tomorrow can be a new beginning and something good will happen and you won't be afraid to try again." She let out a sob and placed her head on my lap. I ran my fingers through it soothingly. I don't know when I got to be so nice but she didn't need Snarky Cristina she needed Comforting Cristina.

Teddy walked over in her dark navy blue scrubs. "Hey Arizona? Are you okay?" Arizona stood up and nodded. She wiped away her tears.

"Thanks." She said to me. "Cristina just had some really good advice that I needed." Teddy nodded.

"I have to go." I needed to find Owen. I wheeled away and soon after I heard running footsteps.

"Thankyou for being there for Arizona." Teddy said to me and turned around to go back to the blonde.

The ER was bustling with nurses and surgery hungry residents. But no Owen. He was lying face down in the bottom bunk and he was lightly snoring. I shouldn't wake him. I turned my chair around to leave.

"Hey." I turn back around and see him sitting up and rubbing away the sleep in his blue, blue eyes. They were the colour of the ocean and they always captivated me, pulling me into their deep blue pools.

"I thought you were asleep." He shook his head and yawned. He looked tired and stressed.

"Nah, I'm awake." He stood up and stretched.

"Teddy, uh said something really… weird a few weeks back." I tucked my short hair behind my ear and nervously chewed on my bottom lip. "She said that you still loved me." He didn't look surprised.

"That's because I still do and always will." He kneeled down on the floor, smiling and took my dainty hands between his big ones.

"We're no good for each other!" I almost yelled at him but I restrained myself, "you want kids and I don't." his smile faltered and his mouth set into a straight line.

"I can live without kids, as long as I have you." He was almost begging me now. I thought of Ian. Ian who just wanted me to be okay, he didn't expect more from me or try to convince me to kids. No he was just Ian and I liked that.

"I don't want you to do that." Tears were welling up behind my heavy eyelids.

"I want to though, can't you see that!?" he was yelling at me. Thick, salty hot tears rolled their way down my porcelain cheek and splashed onto my jeans.

"You need to move on Owen. I have." I turned around and opened the door.

"I won't stop fighting for you." I heard him say before I closed the door. Closed the door on us.

Arizona's POV:

I had been thinking about it for a while now. Especially when I looked at my baby girl that is Sofia. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, equal to Callie. Our family was the most important thing in this world to me and I would never again mess it up.

Talking to Cristina made my decision clearer for me.

Which is why I wanted our family to expand.

"I want to try again." I told Callie as we were unloading groceries into our new kitchen at our new house.

"Try again for what?" she was putting a jar of tomato paste into the cupboard. God she is so beautiful, how could I have nearly messed this up?

"I want to get pregnant again." She whipped around so fast she was a blur before my eyes. Her face was one of pure shock, her mouth was open and her show unhinged and her eyes were the size of saucers.

"Really?" a smile was beginning to grow on her face.

"Really." Her smile reached her eyes now and I could see her wisdom teeth.

"Were going to have a baby?!" she yelled excitedly.

"Were going to have a baby!" I squealed in delight. She rushed over and kissed me, I could never get enough of these kisses. I led her by her belt loops to the bedroom.

_Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of our lives and today we shouldn't worry._


End file.
